doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
