We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
