dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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