**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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