It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
