The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
