Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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