sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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