Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
