My cat gives me a boner
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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