Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
