I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
