I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
