why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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