The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
