i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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