My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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