I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
