walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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