thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
