hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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