i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
