lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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