her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
