I accidentally had phone sex last night
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
