he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
