I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
