I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
