Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
