Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
