At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
