I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
