Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We need to rekindle our bromance
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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