You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
