Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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