Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's Friday. Sex?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
