apparently the secret to your success is patron
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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