New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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