I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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