Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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