i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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