you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
