When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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