She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
