In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
