i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
