Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
