I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
