Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
