the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
