filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
